8 posts tagged “friends”
In other news, a haiku:
Lying on the road,
a few ate until they burst.
I eat what burst out.
Speaking of music, I've been on a downloading spree today. More and more Bjork, The Mountain Goats, Serj Tankian (finally!) and some other stuff that I'm forgetting. It's so delightful to have new music to listen to, take in, and digest. It's almost frightening at first, but it usually turns out okay in the end I think. :)
My nana and I went shopping today for dorm room stuff. We originally went to Sears (she worked there for like 30 years and gets a discount even though she's retired) but she was disappointed with the selection so we only got some pillows there. We bought a bunch of stuff at Target, because they had so much cute stuff! I'm so excited to snuggle into my quilt and micro-fleece blanket and all this stuff. It's making me really excited to move, but at the same time, I'm really nervous because I really have no clue what I need to bring aside from the obvious stuff. I guess I shouldn't stress so much, because I was originally worried that my dad didn't want to pay for any of this stuff but it turned out okay in the end. So optimism is good!
I've been keeping in touch with Kearstin (who is in California visiting family) via email over the past few days, and it's super fun just to write these elaborate letters to each other about the entirety of what's been going on. She also has a wicked sense of humor that makes me giggle. For instance, in this past email, she told me that everyone down there is a "Molly Mormon" who wants to make babies for the rest of their lives to "continue their family name." She said that her rebuttal was that she was just going to live forever so she doesn't have to worry about passing down anything. <3
Tomorrow, Chuck is coming over after work to spend the night with me and we're going off cavorting around Kernersville to gather some needed items. I am positively stoked.
I have a huge craving for bread now. I should eat some cereal or something.. I haven't eaten since I had two tacos with Brittany, Cordell, Samich, and Bragi about five hours ago. If it was during the day, I would be fine, but at night I desire more food. Read: I eat when I'm bored.
Anyway, speaking of tacos, it was really nice to randomly see Jorge through the drive-through window in tuberculosis. Cordell was ordering and Samia looks across the counter and spies Jorge receiving his food so he drives around, parks, and comes inside to eat with us. A nice little turn of fate!
Either way, tomorrow, Erin and I are going driving around in her new car and I suspect it will be another late night for me. There is something so stifling about it being summer.
This weekend has been pretty exciting, you know, with the whole high school graduation stuff. I want to write something really meaningful about it but that's not going to happen. The rest of the day was spent eating a lot of restaurant food with friends and family, not to mention a mall excursion in the heat to spend some graduation money. Today was a lot more of the same, except with new shoes and a clean room. I love Samia and Chuck dearly for being motivated to clean all the dirt out of my room when there's no way in the world that I would. That sounds bad, doesn't it?
These are the Dolce Vita shoes that I bought today and forced myself to wear in order to break them in. The heat helped a lot. I'm in love with them. It'll also give me a good excuse to clean the crud out of my birks, too.
I'm in a very mellow mood right now. I finally sent an email back to my roommate in the fall, Chelsea. I'm also catching up with my bestest Muldercult buddies, too. I really have not been motivated to update Vox at all, though. I guess I just don't have much to say.
By the way, we're still planning that darned picnic. Please reply with your schedule for the next week (you don't have to go into much detail, just the times you're available) and we'll work something out. I was thinking Wednesday afternoon, considering Thursday and Friday Kearstin and I will be at UNCG for orientation. But who knows what's good for everyone!
For some reason, I've been really discontent lately. It probably has to do with the fact I'm sick and want to hole up and read Charles Bukowski all day but then I get lonely. :(
I stayed at Kearstin's house last night, and I think I'm going to stay here for the rest of the weekend. She's been doing my laundry, making my bed, and bought me like $50 worth of food. Believe me, I've been eating it. It's really nice to be actually "living" with someone: I mean, she's not here with me right now, but I'm a lot less alone than I would be at my house.
I've also been relatively sick. I woke up yesterday morning with a sore throat, and I just figured Pepper had slept with me so I took some allergy medication. It didn't help, so I was really miserable by the end of the day. I got a delicious bubblegum flavored shaved ice and Kearstin had some of this stuff laying around from when she was sick. I guess it's just liquid tylenol and decongestant but it works really well. I'm sleeping in her little half-siblings' room, because they don't stay here anymore and they have a really cute bunk bed. In order to conquer my fear of the bottom bunk, I'm sleeping down there.. you know, in case I have a roommate next year who is completely insistent that they get the top bunk. I also really like being enclosed when I sleep (against a wall, stuff like that) so it's really snuggly.
Anyway, Kearstin is going over to her mom's house to babysit her niece this afternoon, and I think Chuck and I are going to hang out and eat more food. It feels so surreal being finished with my last AP exams ever, but it's totally fine with me. Compared to the Government and Politics exams, having the single English Lit exam was really nice, and the essays were like key lime pie. That would make the GoPo exams unappetizing, vanilla ice cream? They were fine going down, but left a bad taste in my mouth and a queasy stomach.
If you haven't noticed, I really like the Flickr/Vox integration. It's super!
Chuck just left. He had some housing-check-out meeting to go to because his last day of class is next Wednesday. We spent the entire weekend together: Friday night we saw Brigadoon, and the rest of the weekend was pretty uneventful. On Saturday we ventured out for free breakfast and to see my mother, but the majority was composed of napping and downloaded movies and video games. We also sat outside (it was a wonderful day) and trimmed his beard. When I left the birds all of the trimmings, I was the happiest woman among women.
I've never done this before. This is my first relationship and I'm not very good at it: I get frustrated and blame him for everything and stay up late at night and don't go to school.. and I'm sure it's not healthy that we spend so much time together. He neglects his family, I neglect what other friends I have but I just can't help it. I'm one of those people you look down upon because they think they're so in love with someone and they want to spend the rest of their lives with that person. But what do they know? They don't know what real love is, or what real life is like. They're young: how could they possibly understand true love? Is true love even the goal? Or, perhaps, it's someone that you're compatible enough with to be able to tolerate each other for the rest of your lives. I feel like a hypocrite. I criticize others for the exact same thing I'm doing.. but I'm so convinced as to not be worried about it. I'm not worried! I honestly feel as though I could live the rest of my life with someone and be completely happy at the grand old age of eighteen. I try and try and try to find flaws, but the repeated analysis just strengthens my initial hypothesis.
I don't want anyone else. I want to stay shut up in my room with him, reveling in each other like we always do. I want to talk about his childhood, I want him to tell me stories like he always does before we finally go to sleep at night; I want to hear more and more and more and I don't want anything else. It hurts me because I just can't make myself care much about anything else. I don't want to spend time with them because I could spend time with him. It hurts them, which in turn, makes me wish I didn't have to hurt them.. but I'm not sorry.
Maybe it's because my existence is a Camellia sinensis plant and he is a farmer. Dirty, unrefined, yet true to the nature of the plant. He can touch it in its natural state. To other people, the leaves have been dried, put in tea bags, and then filtered over water to be processed. I feel as though I have to refine my emotions to make them understandable because, as we all know, when someone doesn't understand something (or want to understand it) they take it the wrong way. I feel like a liar but at the same time I'm just frightened. I've tried in the past to just be honest but someone gets hurt and it's always me. But, if I can just hold back those feelings, it won't be as bad. They'll understand. They won't be intimidated or offended and I won't be hurt by their judgment.
What is the point of writing this? My own shameless guilt because I feel like I've been neglecting my friends who just want my love but, at the same time, expect me to act and think in a certain way that has been making me feel increasingly uncomfortable. But it's really not their fault; it's mine own, for putting up such a facade in the first place as an easy way to deal with anxiety.
It's a really pretty day today, too. It's raining, but the contrast with the green of the trees surrounding my house and the gray of the overcast sky is inspiring. Although I personally don't like having to do my daily commute in the rain, I know it feels so wonderful for the drought-stricken earth that it feels wonderful for me, too. I want to just curl up under the $2 fleece blanket I got at Walgreens, watch a movie, and eat some ice cream. You know, one of those pints of Ben and Jerry's that makes you feel awful after finishing because it's like the total recommended daily value of calories for one day. Or, maybe, some Soy Delicious. That way, it's the same amount of fat and calories, but less suffering.
Tonight Chuck and I are going to lay around and probably eat more food yay.
